Never Alone
In Misty’s blog, “A Few Bumps in the Road”, she touched on some struggles we encountered during our approach and arrival in Lancaster, PA. I am compelled to admit, these struggles were forerunners to a conflict developing within my heart and mind.
As I navigated the tight, heavily trafficked streets through the city of Lancaster, immediately followed by the tight, winding rural road leading to the RV park, a dread began to build. I was too distracted and occupied with the tasks necessary for the safety of my family and belongings, to recognize what I was experiencing. I was also hoping for a respite from these feelings, once we arrived at the “beautiful place” we had been dreaming about for so long.
Perhaps these expectations were part of my conflict. Maybe I had placed too much emphasis on this first destination in our journey across America. I believe there is truth to this, however something more was happening, and settling into our site did not relieve the tension inside me. On the contrary, discovering the fact we had absolutely no internet, no ability to text or call out, not even antenna service from a local TV station, added to the anxiety building within me.
There were moments that relieved my growing anxiety, such as the sympathetic assistance from Lori and the kind intercession of Judy and Bob. They provided me with a “ray of light” on our first day in Lancaster County. But as we reviewed our physical situation and began efforts to resolve or mitigate the obstacles we had encountered; I just could not seem to shake this funk I was in. The thoughts in my mind were spinning in the same circle: “what are you doing?”, “why are you doing this?”, “you don’t have what it takes to do this”, “you have no clue what you are doing”, you’re going to fail hard, look! you’re already failing”, “everything would be better if you just went home”, “don’t you want to just go home?”. Yes, part of me did just want to go home.
The remnants of Hurricane Fred passed through to the north of us, so we were fortunate to only be brushed by rain bands, but we went to bed that first night with tornado warnings broadcast over the radio. Unfortunately, all we could hear was the emergency alert system tones through the radio broadcast, but we could not hear any details. There was the creek immediately behind us as well, would it flood? I could not control any of that, but I was certainly trying to control everything I thought I could. I was feeling the strain.
As we began traveling around the area the next day to obtain cell phone service and internet access, I found myself traveling roads so very foreign to what I was familiar with. They did not make sense to my mind and although Google maps helped us get to our chosen locations, it was not calming my agitation with the suggested routes. The zigzagging was quite interesting to say the least.
This was when the next “ray of light” shined into our circumstances. Glori, a representative at a cell phone provider location, was so patient and helpful. We were given the opportunity to learn about her and her story and share ours. We also visited the Lancaster County Visitors Center followed by a fantastic lunch in Bird-In-Hand, PA. Yes, this is a real town. We also took an opportunity to taste our very first chicken sandwich from Chick-Fil-A!! Why did it take us so long to do this???!!!
As the days went by however, I continued to struggle with a sense of dread that seemed to be continuously washing over me in waves. I did what I have been taught, and what my God given instincts tell me to do in these situations. I prayed, almost continuously, in small conscious ways. And I worshipped, but many of the songs I knew just would not come to my mind. My mind was experiencing tunnel vision, meaning I was so completely focused on the problems and worries. So, I clung to the Doxology: “Praise God from whom all blessings flow. Praise Him all creatures here below. Praise Him above ye heavenly host. Praise Father, Son and Holy Ghost.” I raised my shield of faith (Ephesians 6:16), as high as I could, and just hoped I would stand firm.
My parents came to visit us a few days later. This provided me with some sense of home and familiarity, however I still could not seem to shake the funk. As we took them to see parts of Lancaster County, I did begin to feel a little sense of relief. We had fun exploring portions of Amish Country and buying chocolate (I hope this doesn’t become a trend, aka Medina, NY). We even visited the shop that had produced the raspberry jam we had provided as gifts to our wedding guests six years ago! I ate an authentic Pennsylvania Dutch pretzel – I was truly feeling a little joy returning.
Part of our visit included seeing Esther at Sight and Sound Theater. What I experienced at that production had a profound impact on the conflict I was feeling. The conflict was not eliminated, elements of it are still rearing their ugly heads, but I distinctly heard my God speaking directly to me through the songs and performances of the actors. “Look up at the stars, they’ll remind you, you are not alone”. “Be still, and know that I am God” (Psalm 46:10). “God is still speaking into this world, let there be light!” (Genesis 1:3). These powerful messages reverberated through me and lifted up my shield of faith, not by my power, but by His.
When the time came, I drove across the Susquehanna River and out of Lancaster County with mixed feelings. Those feelings included gladness that I had visited, gladness that I was headed for something new near Gettysburg, but also gladness that I passed through the valley – figuratively and literally (our RV park was located in a deep valley)! I came out of both valleys by faith. I stood firm and I did not give in to the thought urging me to “just go home”. You see, I was now remembering and embracing this truth, we are never alone.
The Lord is my rock, my fortress and my deliverer; my God is my rock, in whom I take refuge, my shield and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold. Psalm 18:2
Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. Put on the full armor of God, so that you can take your stand against the devil’s schemes. For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand. Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God. And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. Ephesians 6:10-18
